All of us have had times where there is a particular
co-worker who just rubs us wrong, or is difficult to get along with. Here are some simple steps you can take to
make things better not only for you, but possibly for the person with whom you
have a conflict.
First of all, take a look at yourself, and your role in the
conflict. Are there things you can do
that will shift the interactions? If so,
try making some small changes and see what happens. For instance, maybe you have a co-worker that
drops by your desk uninvited to chat on a regular basis. Instead of just grinning and bearing it, try
saying something like “Hi Diane, it’s nice to see you. I’m right in the middle of something now. Can
I get back to you later?” Of course you
don’t have to ever get back to Diane. After
a while, she should get the message and stop popping by.
If this first approach isn’t applicable, or doesn’t work,
the next step is to have a private conversation with the person. Begin by complimenting the person on some
aspect of the behavior that is bothering you.
You might tell Diane that how much you appreciate that she helps
everyone in the office stay connected.
Then explain to them how their behavior is impacting your ability to do
your job. Start with the phrase, “you’re
probably not aware” before stating the problem.
This lets the person save face and not feel that they are doing
something wrong or inappropriate.
Continuing with our example, let’s say Diane continues to
come by every day for a little chat. The
next time she drops by, tell her that you have something you’d like to discuss
with her, and ask her if she has a minute.
Then find a private setting such as a conference room and say, “I
appreciate how you help to keep everyone in the office connected, that’s a
really important skill. You’re probably
not aware of this, but my job has gotten really busy and stressful. When you
come by for a chat each day it’s hard for me to focus on the conversation
because I’m getting stressed out about all the work that is waiting for me
while we’re chatting. “
Next, suggest your solution to the problem. With Diane you might say, “Let’s schedule
time to meet for coffee or lunch to catch up.
That way I will make room for it in my schedule and I can give our conversation
the attention it deserves.” If Diane
continues to drop by uninvited, remind her of the conversation and how busy you
are, and ask her to send you a meeting request for coffee or lunch.
The last resort should be appealing to your supervisor. Many of us feel uncomfortable with conflict,
so we want someone else to handle it for us.
Unfortunately, once you bring in a third party, and one with some
authority and power, your co-worker will probably view that as a threatening
situation. That will make it much more
difficult for you to work together easily.
Of course there are times when involving your supervisor is
appropriate, but the majority of these difficult co-worker situations can be
resolved directly with the person involved.
So get your courage up and address whatever situation is making your
work day less enjoyable than it might be.
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